And she takes her time.

Me: So when you break it down, all said and done, this is my take home. (I stare blankly at the Excel spread sheet in front of me)

 Husband: Next to the transportation costs? 

 Me: No hon, that's not the transportation costs. That's my pay.

Alright, we've been here before. I recognize this dance. Ya, ya the price of childcare is so offensive that the thought alone makes me reach for a vodka (NOT the premium brand, mind you). But when I looked long and hard, the numbers just didn't add up. Like add up to eating 5 days a week and maybe the occasional Saturday. Daycare for 2 little kiddies just wasn't go to work. But there was something else at play here. Something that I didn't entirely feel with my sleeping wonder the first time I went back to work. It wasn't guilt-nope, that feeling is always in my peripherals and recognizable. It wasn't sadness, although I can't get through Modern Family without shedding a few tears(seriously, is it just me?!). It wasn't excitement about getting back to my students, about wearing clothes other than jeans and my sister's old t-shirts, about actually blow drying my hair and showering in the morning again. No, this feeling was akin to dread. Unlike those first day of school jitters, this was total and unshakable dread.

Oh.My.God.

I wasn't going back. I couldn't go back.

 And so here I am, officially off of my mat leave, and home with my kiddies. And just to add to my already busy library/drop-in/park/play-group day (are you ready to join me yet??), I have decided to add a third to the mix. No, I am not preggers, (Jesus, people!) but I am taking care of a lovely 2 year old boy. Yep, I am unrecognizable even to myself. 

So understand that my extreme *cough* absence from this blog has nothing to do with lack of material. Please, I have a potential post every day in this zoo. It's just that at 8:30 pm, when the kids are in bed (mercifully they sleep 12 hours straight) and dishes are cleaned, floors are swept, and the house mildly resembles the one I wish I had, I can't do anything except maybe watch 20 minutes of reality TV. I like to think that this particular post is a renewal of sorts, a commitment if you will, to devote more time to my little blog.

 Here goes nothing. Ooh look, Breaking Amish is on.