Me: I'll just wear what I wore last year.
I scrimmage through my closet looking for a summer dress I wore last year to a party. I figure I might be able to get a few more wears out of it before the hot weather abruptly ends.
Yes, it's a walk-in. No, I don't have it organized. Finding the dress takes a bit more time than I thought.
Me: to husband (who is lazily laying on the bed as I try on every last piece of clothing I own in an attempt to find "new," forgotten gems of clothing) Just help me zip this sucker up in the back. I'll hold my breath and sqeeze. When I say "go", you zip as quickly as you can. K?
Husband looks warily at the back of my dress, then back at me.
Me: Don't worry. It'll go. Now zip! (I take one last breath and use all my mighty powers to mentally visualize myself in a smaller, more toned body. A body that will fit into this dress again.)
Husband: Ummm...babe. You can breathe again. This is so not doing up.
Crap.
What had happened?? I didn't get it. Ok,ok, let's be honest here: I got it. Months of my non-exercising butt had finally caught up to me. My once proud declaration that I fit into my skinny jeans just one month after I gave birth no longer rang true. Not that I even really cared about losing the "baby weight" anyway. I was just happy to fit into something that didn't come with an elastic waist line. So why the worry now?
Being on mat leave left with a million reasons why I didn't have to "dress up" on a day to day basis. Hell, baby would be lucky to see me out of my pj's before noon most days. Why bother with my old work clothes, or my cute summer dresses, or those sassy black shorts I paid way too much money for? I took to wearing things that were comfortable, and so my daily wardrobe consisted of jeans and a t-shirt. Ugh, I know. But now, I was having a clothing crisis of sorts. I'm too cheap to spend a shit load of clothes on myself r, and too in denial to admit that maybe I've gone up a dress size or two.
I suppose all newish moms go through this whole new-body acceptance, or non-acceptance phase. I seem to be hitting my non-acceptance phase now, nearly 17 months after I have given birth. I just need some focus, some drive. Repeat: I will drop that croissant. I will start back at the gym. I will kick butt. I will feel good about that dress again. I will breathe when trying on clothes. I will.......maybe tomorrow.
